星期日, 七月 05, 2009

屌你老味笑話1

話說某晚凌晨三點幾,包租婆(又名:人地老母)半夜起身屙夜尿。

跟住,佢門又唔敲招呼又唔打,直接走入我呢個每月交足租,兼交租準時過姨媽到既租戶(又名:人地老母個仔既女朋友)既房間,冷冷拋低一句:「我頭先睇醫學節目,d醫生話長期開燈訓覺既人,會好容易有乳癌同前列腺癌」。

然後,就施施然死返入自己間房。

果刻,飛左成日廿鳩幾個鐘未撚訓過覺但仲搵緊題材寫稿既我,好撚想同她講:「屌你老味,你宜家係咒鳩我生乳癌定咒鳩你個仔生前列腺癌呀?」

當然,我冇講到。

因為根據佢呢句話既柒邏輯,佢只係咒鳩佢個親生仔,唔係咒我。

我從來唔會開住燈訓覺,只係佢個仔,會o係我開住燈既時候訓覺。

即係,佢想話我間接導致佢個仔第時好容易生前列腺癌囉。

雖然,前列腺癌關我叉事,不過心火盛既我,依然想一腳伸撚左果條熟睡中既撚樣去另一間房訓,費鳩事佢老母陣間又過o黎做煩西。

In fact,另一間房我都有交租的。

不過,最後我只係趁佢老母個仔半夢半醒時,順手拍醒佢西口西面同佢講:「你老母話我半夜開燈寫稿會導致你生前列腺癌」。

屌你老味,醫生有冇同你講人人最後都要死o架?

屌你老味,醫生有冇同你講做crew成日jet lag返shift日夜顛例根本唔使咒都好易生癌o架?

屌你老味,醫生有冇同你講生活習慣好似我咁既人通常都短命o架?

屌你老味,醫生有冇同你講如果呢間過千呎既屋冇我幫你交一半租你死都唔掂呀?

48 Comments:

At 5:21 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

大仙,

我愛死最後一句...kakakaka...
唔好嬲,好快可以有自己既地方,可以生咩都得!唔使受人面色既日子,好很快活...

努力,

大前題係 - 要快手!多d黎,密d手!

支持

有機會生野多過你既古月不死人

 
At 5:49 上午, Blogger lapinou said...

同人住係好難
我同自己阿媽住都已經唔OK
不能幻想點同人地阿媽住

good luck

 
At 9:37 上午, Blogger Mic said...

我期待緊空姐斬人老味嘅血案。

 
At 11:42 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

如果妳係一個咁易'蚊'既人, 不如唔好同人地一齊住

 
At 12:44 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

明日你的感受,但超多粗口的...
搞到我讀左幾次先明意思...
不過唔係話你呀...

 
At 2:21 下午, Anonymous 火木 said...

據說北極上空的radiation 好勁,咁你飛多D經北極直航美加東岸的航機,味可以當放射治療乳癌囉。

 
At 4:50 下午, Anonymous ToM少 said...

醫生有冇講俾佢老母知, 每年都有好多人亂狗咁講野, 之後就俾人鑑生打輪死!

 
At 7:33 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

Poor you to have such a boyfriend who introduced you to rent a room/flat from such landlord.

 
At 10:53 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

我相信凡事雙向嘅,
睇你寫到粗口橫飛, 相信你當時對包租婆(即係伯母)嘅面口都唔荒好睇.
又或者你同佢講 :係呀,飛咗三十幾個鍾都好累, 不過要趕交稿都冇辦法, 就嚟寫完熄燈 0架啦.
我相信大家都會好受D.
你自己問心, 有冇當過伯母係你一個要関心嘅對象, 若果你自問有做好本份, (除咗比錢交租).有嘗試同伯母好好溝通, 0甘你keep 你嘅"屌你老味"啦.

Wish you all the best !

 
At 11:17 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

相見好,同住就真的好麻撚煩...

 
At 11:32 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

點解唔搬出去住?幫佢交一半租都唔少錢啦

 
At 12:01 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

So, your boyfriend fails to make any rental payment but still living with you and his mom - OMG.

 
At 12:02 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

搬出去啦,情願見少d間屋細d都唔好受氣

 
At 10:09 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

好香軟飯味

 
At 11:17 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

一句:痛快!!!!

 
At 11:48 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

銅鑼灣一千呎既大屋既一半租金都應該幾係嘢﹐何苦咧?﹗我從來都冇諗過住男友屋企要畀錢之餘仲要睇人面色兼受人詛咒﹐搬出去好過啦﹗﹗﹗就等佢老母唔掂囉...一腳翹起佢囉...大家鬥玩嘢咋嘛...睇吓邊個玩唔起囉。。。:p :p :p

 
At 2:09 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

的確笑話,邊有人貼錢買難受同人地老母一齊住? 一腳伸晒兩件野出門仲爽~

 
At 4:37 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

我以前係英國有條仔個阿媽都係咁,有次我為左忍住唔講"屌你老味"呢四粒字連衫都冇換就衝左出門口,果年落大雪,真係慘無人道.

 
At 5:37 下午, Blogger seikomatic said...

請問房女面有幾多個人,數唔切。

同埋:
【我從來唔會開住燈訓覺,只係佢個仔,會o係我開住燈既時候訓覺。】

乜佢個仔熄燈就唔訓,唔訓就做野,做得野多會腎虧,滑精,失憶,連阿媽都唔記得,同佢老母好好解釋下。應該明白既。

太多粗口,真系會影響讀者的理解,注意下對醫務專業的指責可能會構成誹謗。

 
At 11:13 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

elaine:

篇文好正,支持你,呢d女人有問題,開燈關佢鬼事咩! 你唔對佢講粗口證明你EQ 好, 邊有人咁衰格!

miss chan

 
At 12:41 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

Perhaps, the landlord is responsible for the utilities bill.

Just wonder why the so-called boyfriend will request the girlfriend to pay rent to his mom.

Just a message to Elaine: don't introduce your boyfriend to your friends.....unless you are proud of him.

 
At 1:14 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

我覺得你冇錯~
自己間房做野關佢鬼事~
咁多口水~

 
At 1:51 上午, Blogger saintvenus said...

佢咁巴閉, 你大可搬出去, 然後睇下佢交唔到租 / 還唔到錢畀銀行, 死都唔掂果個樣

既然間屋晌銅鑼灣, 仲要成千呎, 我信你交果一半租都應該可以租到一個decent 0既小單位

 
At 12:42 下午, Blogger 小瓶子 said...

同人老母一齐住, 系难D架啦.

 
At 12:52 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

haha , 好多老味,,,

 
At 2:21 下午, Blogger FlyingMinx said...

估唔到你可以忍受這樣的母子~~~~~

 
At 4:08 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

Are your "boy friend" 17 years old and you are 16 years old? nearly 30 (or over) still sleeping together under the same roof with Mom???? (also have to PAY!) incredible! TOOOOOooooo funny :P

 
At 9:05 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

Poor Elaine treated such guy as her boy friend.

Poor Elaine who has no other choice but chose to disclose such privacy to the public.

 
At 9:11 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

Another thought:

The sum paid by Elaine is not a rent even though Elaine beleives it is.

The sum in the eyes of landlord (boyfriend's mom) is a family maintenance (shall be borne by the so-called boy friend) which includes everything indeed.

Elaine, self-respect is important at all!

 
At 2:21 下午, Blogger 蘇記 said...

可能男朋友孝順吧。。。
廣告都有話:[一家人嘛~]

 
At 3:14 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

佢都係關心你..叫你小心健康ja..
人地用心良苦你句句屌人老味..
不過其實都可能係因為你心急寫稿 諗野先會咁負面
問心其實佢都唔係諗住咒你或者自己個仔架啦..佢都係苦口婆心為你地著想ja

 
At 5:06 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

有時做人地女朋友,甚至人地新抱,唔可以出口句句'老味', 如果係覺得住埋係唔夾,或者受到委屈, 可以選擇搬出黎,下下都咁易唔比人激親,好易老,殘得快

 
At 6:33 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

閃啦,自由可貴吖~~

 
At 1:30 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

相見好,同住難,
自已或者人家阿媽都係咁,
所以有個屬於自已既空間,
係幾咁重要,就算一間三,四百呎既單位,甚至幾十呎既房,都要努力爭取

 
At 3:21 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

男人都會有乳癌= =+

 
At 2:21 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

我心底都爆緊粗鬧我老闆…發洩下啫,何必咁認真

 
At 3:43 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

無錢又要扮豪
三個都係活該

 
At 4:17 上午, Blogger godla said...

其實都明白你當時心裡的感受,有時辛苦飛完又要趕稿真係好辛苦,發洩下情緒都會舒服d。

 
At 2:32 下午, Blogger Graham said...

Great article, coarse languages within however presented in a very well compreshensive manner.

An alternative way to present coarse languages in an elegant way :)

 
At 9:07 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

下… 我覺得呢句:「我從來唔會開住燈訓覺,只係佢個仔,會o係我開住燈既時候訓覺。」好唔合邏輯囉

如果我同人同房, 唔好講男朋友啦更加, 明知半夜三更人地要訓就咪鬼開燈啦。熄燈一樣用到電腦既姐… Be Considerate!!

加上人地呀媽緊係關心自己個仔, 有咩問題?
你成日jet lag番shift易死whatever, 同你o係人地訓覺既時候開燈做野有咩關係????

你早死唔代表你男朋友都要跟住你早死掛

 
At 9:33 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

You can choose to live with happiness or not.

you paid rent with reasons and the reasons we don't know.

If you are strong enough or your bf is strong enough, why get the "benefit" (in the mind of the "landlord") or "insult" (in your mind) . Get loss from the place right away!

Be smart!

 
At 2:52 下午, Blogger Midnite Rainbow said...

U r fucking paying rent to stay in yr man's place with yr man and family!!!!! So you are renting him? He is renting you and the family comes as a free gift in the package?

So twisted.
So fucked up.
So much for life consumption.
好好玩.

Way to go!!!!!

 
At 7:21 下午, Blogger Kenny said...

一句:



抵屌!

 
At 9:44 上午, Blogger Kenny said...

"加上人地呀媽緊係關心自己個仔, 有咩問題?
你成日jet lag番shift易死whatever, 同你o係人地訓覺既時候開燈做野有咩關係????

你早死唔代表你男朋友都要跟住你早死掛"

==== 又一個人地老母留言??

 
At 3:03 下午, Blogger 蕭國麒 said...

一句咁和諧既話你都屌你老味,你有冇發覺你將個主動權俾左人,俾人搖控緊..

幾好玩!篤你一野,你叫一聲屌你老味!

 
At 6:51 下午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

大家會唔會激動左小小呢,
elaine寫明了笑話一則,
有時只係想係自己個blog度"講出心底話"姐,
唔通你地要人地好似D"偽人"咁寫blog寫到寫童話世界咁咩?!
我本身係女仔,
我好中意elaine寫既野,
一D都唔造作,
支持!

 
At 7:58 上午, Anonymous 匿名 said...

would you react that way if it was actually your mom but not his mom? just remember...

他朝君體也相同

 
At 1:09 下午, Anonymous Sweet Revenge said...

最鐘意呢句, 講出我心底話, 我成日唔肥o個 part 豬肉唔食, 又成日食雞翼, 雞皮等等, 唔食呢 d 野o既人叫我唔好食咁多, 我個心都係呢句:

"醫生有冇同你講人人最後都要死o架?"

唔食o個d野唔一定就會死得舒服d~ 開燈訓o既話我最concern 係會有雀斑啊!

有個朋友個親戚, 四五十歲, 女人, 無結婚, 唔使做野好多年了, 只係得閒做義工, 食野同生活都健康到不得了, 就偏偏佢生 Cancer. 我諗佢應該唔係開燈訓覺掛.

死神來到, 有乜道理可講, 係就快點帶我走吧!

 

張貼意見

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